The Dark Night of The Soul (Losing who we thought we were) by Your Mate Tom
Depression feels like living inside a body that’s trying to survive,
with a mind that just wants to die.
The dark night of the soul feels like living through a nightmare,
Overwhelmed with an unfathomable sense of emptiness and despair,
My soul’s connection to source has been severed,
I’m floating in a meaningless sea of nowhere.
Spiritual knowledge was supposed to shine the light into the unknown,
Give me happiness and growth, but now I feel empty and alone.
Being hyper connected to the collective suffering of humanity,
I couldn’t shake off the gut wrenching horror of cosmic insanity.
I was convinced there is no way out, No matter how much I pleaded,
No amount of weed, sex and food could fill the void, So eventually… I conceded.
What is the purpose of humanity, why are we here?
Only to experience deep suffering and die with fear?
A voice entered my head… “Well that depends on you my friend….”
What have you done in this life that is worth a damn?
Except feed your pride and buying into this illusory sham?
Carl Jung once said, “Beware of unearned Wisdom”.
In spirituality you must do the leg work and work up to the deeper waters,
Instead of jumping into the deepest end where you will not be able to stand.
Your ego in a panicked frenzy will grab unto anything it can, even a made up fairyland.
It’s like trying to fight Ganon in the first level of Legend of Zelda,
You will get eaten up shitted out and wonder what’s the point of this game?
Opening pandoras box overwhelms and fragments the soul,
It took me 9 months to put the pieces back together and feel whole.
After a brutal existential crisis, and unfathomable pain,
The crushing weight become bearable, and I started to feel the spiritual gains.
Like a steel sword getting forged in the fire and getting beat again and again.
I came out stronger, more centred and extremely content,
Losing my connection with Source made me truly realise what’s important,
My mind shifted towards a more grounded approach,
Being grateful for being alive on this beautiful Earth,
Instead of slaying demons for spiritual points in the hellfire,
Sometimes the journey is all about having a laugh with the boys in the Shire.
The Dark night of the soul gives you an opportunity to find meaning in the darkness,
It seems impossible at first, but you’ll do whatever it takes to quench your soul’s thirst.
You just gotta be vigilant, have faith, listen, and keep going no matter what.
Do not hold on and resist the lessons, do not focus on the existential depression,
but the soul’s longing for transcendence.
Jacob’s ladder put it perfectly, “If you're afraid of dying, and you're holdin' on, you'll see devils tearin' your life away. But if you've made your peace, then the devils are really angels, freein' you from the world. It all depends on how you look at it."
If you feel like dying, allow your ego to die. It’s painful at first, especially letting go of old attachments and identifications, but eventually this will lead into a beautiful rebirth of transformation.
The Roman Catholics described the dark night of the soul as a spiritual crisis in the journey toward union with God.
St. John of the cross who originally coined the dark night of the soul wrote: "In this first verse, the soul tells the mode and manner in which it departs, as to its affection, from itself and from all things, dying through a true mortification to all of them and to itself, to arrive at a sweet and delicious life with God."
And just to end with the wise word’s of Joseph Campbell:
“The Dark night of the soul comes just before revelation. When everything is lost, and all seems darkness, then comes the new life and all that is needed.”
Hope this helped in some way. Wishing you all the best with your journey.
Much love,
Tom